So much for positivity? Not yet

One of those mornings, I remember a toll booth attendant offered me help in tapping my e-pass. And, he said it with a very enthusiastic tone. A genuine one. I told him I could handle it myself, and still got another enthusiastic response from him. Somehow by his voice, even though I could barely see his face as my car is quite low, I could tell that he was smiling wide. Before leaving, I told him, “Mari, pak” (It’s a polite see-you or goodbye remark for Javanese/Indonesian). Then, he replied me with the same words, still enthusiastically.

You know what, it made me happy somehow. I don’t know how. And I don’t care about any logical explanation for it. Happy people indeed give us glimpse of their happiness. Their positive aura is just contagious.

It made me think somehow, that how we all people really depend on each other to have a genuinely positive vibe.

Say, there are three people in a small room. One of them keeps complaining, or perhaps, simply just frowning the entire time. Don’t you think the other two will get “infected”? Just figure it out: the frown, the complaints, the dread, the angst, etc. Isn’t it bad even just imagining it? The atmosphere in the room will get contaminated–oh, I rephrase it, will get screwed. Now imagine the otherwise, if one of them is a happy kind. The smile, the laughter, the silly singing or humming will surely give the other room occupants a nice vibe.

But don’t get me wrong. It’s not that we can’t be sad, angry or whatever it is. Ef yeah, it’s normal and humane. Even though, it’s pretty bias that this post is coming out from someone who loves writing dark poems and stories. Lol. What I meant to say is that we can see how both energies are easily affecting other people. Yet we can control it. How far it should show through, or when is the right time to let it out. I just think, the option is really up ours on which energy to spread, isn’t it?


The Wings

Life turned out to be all about facing and solving challenges in every stage of it. Succeeding or solving one challenge doesn’t mean that we won’t face another one in the next stage. Even when we’re giving up and heading to a different direction. Cause, it is never a smooth and constant ground.

The good thing is if we learn enough, we’ll grow through it. We metamorphose.

And, to us all, the tired souls, the exhausted minds and aching bodies, maybe we just haven’t discovered the wings that grow on our back, haven’t realized how beautiful they are.

This may be the time to have a look on them.



I thought forgiving was easy.

It had been a sleepless night. I remember gazing through the white ceiling of my room that had gone dark. I was tired, but just couldn’t sleep. Myself reminded me of a baby who was drained of all her energy and yearned for a sleep but ended up only crying all night.

Wondered if day was a man, it might be so devastating to wake up with the reality that night wasn’t as long as it seemed to give him a damn rest. I either needed a rest, but this mind was too rapid to give me what I wanted. Of course, not that memory. I hated it winding up wallowing on this part of my head where I kept all those things ready to dispose. Things I should not have reached any more.

Hated it when it ended up like this.

Sometimes I thought I have forgiven some people, until time like this I realized that I kept remembering things. How I felt, how I’ve been treated, the pain and everything.

Maybe people are right (oh they’re always right). The wound heals, the scar remains.


Thought forgiving was that easy.


t o u g h

There are some people who are destined to have a tough life. That they grow up to become the one with tougher self. Tougher than anyone else. And, sometimes it turns out not becoming an option for them. They just can’t quit. They just have to deal with it. They just have to be tough. They just have to. Or… They’ll die giving up.